Thursday, 27 June 2013 03:31


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I faced a cross road & defining moment like many of us do at some point of our lives, we all come to learn that life is full of journeys and being free is one of the hardest roads to take.  God desires that we are  free and it would take me 50 years to come to the realization that most of my life I had for the most part done what I thought others wanted me to do, or what I believed was the right thing to do!  Now, at 50 I was to walk the journey to freedom and it would begin with my leaving Connecticut. 

There are sacrifices that we make in life whether it is in marriage, childbearing, friendships or working every day; but the ultimate sacrifice we can make is the one that releases everything we ever knew, and move from the familiar to the unfamiliar.  I had gone through a divorce and for years I was walking with a heart that said “my will and not God’s will” but I had come to the pointof change, and wanting more than life had yielded.  Crossroads are never easy because you have a choice.  For many years the choices were easy or so they seemed because, there was always something that needed to be done for the good of someone else.  

However, for the first time ever I had to make a choice as to what my future would be.  I had free will, not really because God was the one ordering my steps and as long as I followed His leading I would be fine.
You see, I had been married for 22 years, lost everything and my children were wounded from a war that they had not signed up for.  Yes, it was time to make a change and by doing so I was doing them a justice.  You see, they would benefit by realizing earlier than I did that they had their own journeys to walk and that if they made the right decisions, they would reap the benefit and if not, they would reap the consequences; but ultimately, they would learn to walk and stand.  The future was in their hands now.  By watching me stand they would learn to stand and by watching me release they would learn to do the same.  Sometimes you have to let go of the things you think you want the most to live! 

As I began to pray, God began to tell me what to release and most of it was everything that I held onto.  If I was to truly be free, I had to place total trust in Him and walk sight unseen.  Now many of you reading this will probably think this is crazy, but faith is crazy and if God counted Abraham’s faith unto him as righteousness than there was a chance for me. 

And so I did what anyone would do under the circumstance, I believed God’s promises for things that only God could give, I released my children, trusting God that He was the same God that protected me and would ultimately guide them as He had done so many times for me.  Truly the One that formed the universe and held everything in order could do more for them than I could.  I love them but He loved them so much more and completely, so off I went.  

I gave away the things that God said to release, packed and stored the things He allowed me to keep and packed a few bags.  After everything was said and done I went to the bus station (and this was new since I had become accustomed to flying) brought a ticket and before I left spent time with my sons.  Two of my son’s showed up with gifts, hugs, kisses and a smile.  They even prayed with me!  Wow, this was a treat.  Boarding the bus was exhilarating and a bit frightening but I knew in the deepest part of my soul that If God be for me who could be against me! 

The journey was not as long as I thought. but with each city that I entered, God told me that like Joshua, I would possess the land. He even had someone sit next to me at each stop that needed prayer or a word of encouragement.  This was a tailor made journey and God was not only ordering my feet but He was using me to sprinkle seeds along the way.

I met a young woman that was on her way to Japan.  She had just graduated and was talking to me and before she got off in New York City, she told me of her dreams, her fears and how she had given up on church.  You see, she was raised in a Catholic home and although she loved her parents she felt a longing and thirst that she could not pinpoint.

After we talked for a while I realized that to look into her face was almost like looking into the mirror of a young woman many years ago.  You see, I had hopes and dreams and the ability to be great but I did not have the parents or the positive influences in my life. So as we rode the bus together God allowed me to deposit some of life’s most precious moments that I had lived through. When she got off the bus I would like to believe that she had a new appreciation for the love that her parents gave and the sacrifice that they so willingly made for her future.  I know that her journey began on that bus with Jesus and this made part of the long trip well worth it. 

Reflecting made me realize that many times couples stay together for what they think is the right reason.  But in fact, when a person has been bruised or hurt, unless you remove the bandage and let air to the wound, it just gets worse.  We don’t realize the domino effect that a bad relationship or unhealthy self-image we have as women and men until it affects our children.  Yes we are to forgive but we are not to allow our children to live a life of constant lies or turmoil.

As I continued my journey I received a call that the original place I was to stay was no longer available. Of course the first thing that I thought was, Lord did you bring me out here and not provide? But as quickly as the thought came, it went because I had been through worse times.  I refused to be like the Israelites that murmured and complained.  I remembered sleeping in a train station for three days with my computer and my son that was at the time unaware and on so many psychotropic meds that he had no idea where he was.  You see, I was too proud to ask for help and it was nothing but the Grace of God that has kept me.  But during the darkest hours I had the light of my computer and God said to write everything down.  Yes there is more to share about my road to freedom. 

 I have survived many struggles and had lived a very good life but God said that my later days would be far better than my former ones. So I continued on and by the time my feet crossed the border leading into Georgia I had a room in a home of a friend with my own bathroom and the use of the entire house for $400 monthly.  I arrived on a Monday and by Friday I knew where I would be working the following week.  God has since then whispered things into my ears and some things are not to be told right now but I will share this as He allows. 

More than anything I leave this with those of you that have taken the time to read my blogs, when God says to go, you go because He has already made provision for you.  Obedience will always be greater than any sacrifice that you can give.  I am not sure when it will happen or how but everything that God has shown me has begun to come true and the great things that He has shared shall manifest, I just have to continue to be obedient and continue to believe His word. 

Now there have been times that I have missed the mark on a few thing but I am so glad that His promises are not contingent on whom I am but are based solely on who He is.  He knew the mistakes I would make along the way and He already made allowances for them. More than anything He knows the heart that He placed within me and that alone is why He is who He is in my life.  It has made it easier to release things when He tells me to because I know that He has a destiny for me to live free. 

So if God whispers something into your ear, trust Him.  It may very well come with a great sacrifice but know that He will do what He says that He will. Who knows, you too one day may very well begin your journey of true freedom and it may even be under a Georgia sky.

Shalom Yedda Dim
(Beloved Ones)

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