3 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
Today was a challenge as I sat at my computer feeling the lost of my mother. It is still as if it were yesterday at times. There are moments when I want to call her and realize that she is no longer here to answer the telephone. Now what some don’t know is that my mother had me at the young age of 14. Needless to say, this created problems growing up. She was wild and at times lived on the edge. For a young girl not understanding many things, it would be years later when I became a mother myself, that I would come to realize and understand how she gave what she had to give. She was but a child herself when she had me.
That was when the Lord allowed me to heal and forgive her of the many injustices I felt that I had suffered at the hand of a child trying to raise a child. Not only did I forgive her, but God restored our relationship of that which was lost and destroyed over the years before she died. You see, I would learn above all things that God sees the heart of man and not the outward appearances.
Just recently, I was going through a few of her bins that were packed away and shipped to me. She didn’t have much by man’s standards, but I had been putting off going through them. Today, God reminded me that I had to let go of baggage and weed through memories that had been packed away many years. So in doing so, I found a bible that my mother had which belonged to my grandmother printed in 1913. Within that leather-bound bible I found a poem that she had written to me. It was not until I read that poem that I came to realize that God truly makes no mistakes. This was the season for me to have her words and truly see what was hidden in her heart.
You see, my mother loved writing poetry, plays and stories. I began to understand that I was not a mistake but in fact planned and woven by the delicate hand of God. He took the attributes that He desired and knitted me within my mother’s womb. Today, I share this poem with many of you. We may never fully understand why we are the way we are but we trust that we serve a God that has created each of us for greatness. I can only pray that you embrace who you are and no matter what journey you took, today be free and walk in the fullness of who God created you to be. Understand that that this is a season for you to run!
I WANT TO TELL YOU I’M SORRY
FOR THE PAIN THAT THERE HAS BEEN
I PRAY THE LOVE YOU HAVE FOR ME
WILL COVER MY MULTITUDE OF SINS
MY SIN OF BEING ABSENT
WHEN YOU REALLY NEEDED ME THERE
THE SIN OF BEING TO BUSY
WHEN ALL YOU NEEDED WAS MY EAR
MY SIN OF OVER INDULGENCE
WITH THE MANY THINGS OF THIS WORLD
WHEN ALL YOU WANTED WAS TO HEAR ME SAY
I LOVE YOU MY LITTLE GIRL
MY SIN OF MISUNDERSTANDING
WHEN YOU TRIED TO REVEAL TO ME
THE DEPTH OF YOUR EXPERIENCES
OF YOUR PAIN AND YOUR AGONY
MY SIN OF PARTICIPATION
IN BEHABIRO THAT LED YOU ASTRAY
NOT OFFERING YOU ANYTHING CONCRETE
THAT YOU COULD BUILD UPON EACH DAY
VIEW THE SINS IN MY LIFE AS EXAMPLES
OF THE THINGS THAT YOU SHOULDN’T DO
MAY GOD ALWAYS GIVE YOU DIRECTION
TO HIM, FAMILY AND SELF REMAIN TRUE
I OFFER YOU MY LOVE AND REPENTANCE
AND PRAY THAT WE CAN BEGIN
A NEW RELATIONSHIP AS MOTHER AND DAUGHTER
AS CHRISTIANS AND ESPECIALLY FRIENDS
(For you Pam, Love Mom)
So today, to you My Lord and Savior and to my mother, my children, and all of those that God has for me to impact, I will continue to run this race and continue to write knowing that I will not only make a ripple in the sea of life, I will create a tsunami! For yet again, my season just changed!
I pray that someone is blessed with this today!!!
Have a blessed day everyone...
From my heart to yours...
Remember: Plan prayerfully, prepare purposefully and pursue persistently.
#IamPamela #Paradox #Writer #Poet #1OfAKind #ARemnant #AParadigmShift